"fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth" (p 1. when things fall apart).
i commit myself to staying right where i am, then my experience will become vivid. Things become clear when there is nowhere to escape. If i stand on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present without reference points, i will experience groundlessness. i may find that the present moment is a vulnerable place and that this can be completely unnerving and completely tender at the same time.
i want to become comfortable with fear, look it in the eye. i want to be continually humbled. i no longer want to act out of ego. ego is just fear.
my discomfort is not about her. it's about my ego and my ego is afraid. afraid to not have her. but i...i am not afraid. at all.
what if for once i didnt act out, i didnt repress, i didnt blame it on anyone else, and i dont blame myself??? as pema chodron says...i may encounter my heart.
.i am humble today.
.i will not cheat myself out of the present moment today.
.i am wise and foolish, rich and poor, and totally unfathomable today.
.i deserve to pause today.
.i have the courage to face it today.
.i do not have to live my ego today.
.lonliness is couragous and challanges me to step out and not destruct today.
.i deserve something better than resolution today.
.i can relax with the groundlessness of my situation today.
.i have energy today.
.i will search for what is confused and brilliant in my heart today.
.i will act and speak in a way that communicates today.
.i will face my fear today.
