friday.

mexican food. watching. learning. explaining. army men and penises. alone time. dinner with lindsey. double date with hugh and camille.

-k

bfa proposal

queer porn. gender fucking.


the installation will consist of....

six flower pots i have glazed and attached porcelain casted penises into.

astroturf

compost (dirt)

five digital images 16 inches by 20 inches

a digital video projection of queer pornography.


The definition of flower as "a seed bearing plant, consisting of reproductive organs (stamens and carpels) that are typically surrounded by brightly colored corolla (petals). a flower as a verb is defined to be an optimum phase of developmental growth or to be developed in it's fullest potential.

my idea behind using a penis is metaphorical, more of a symbol than a definition. phallic symbolism is describing the shape of a penis verse its inteded usage.

my intentions are to explore gender versus sex. to use a standard definition of sex which labels ones reproductive/sexual organs. organs one was born with or have currently. gender comes in where i am questioning the position of gender with a flower pot against the symbol of a penis. the sex is the more obvious definition of my idea. as individual sculptures they remark upon the advancement of identity and about the patriarchical views in our society. as an installation the meaning becomes more about the infestation of penis or the symbol of a penis.

the connection between still life images of potted dicks and the queer projected porn is the manifestation of a dicks ability to grow and become life like and useful. from still to usage.

by incorporating real compost and faux grass, astroturf i am playing on the ideas of power and nature. how natural are our concepts of gender? where do they begin and how can we end them without being able to understand our need to surrender to our natural environment.


summary of your project or work:

i explore the social and political constructions of gender identity. I am attempting to control the environment which is fabricated by my mind, and surveyed as a realistic identity. My use of different materials createes a varied interpretation of symbolism.

monogamy

ok. so sitting still is the hardest thing ever. everybody told me i would find clearity if i sat still. i tried. i did....i swear. i am just so much better moving around and finding clearity in aftermath or in my motion.

so its been almost 2 years since my split with dillan. it feels so much longer than that.

anyways, that was my last dishonest attempt at monogamy. i tried with linds. but i was honest with my inability to committ. i have dated a gazzilion people in the last two years. yet i keep coming back to one.

is it possible that i just needed to be shown that the women that fit into my ideal concept of who my partner will be, do not believe in polyamory. i am the problem. my inablity to conceptualize monogamy is ruining my relationships with women.

i believe that if i continue to walk foward and attend to the things in front of me. i will seek more truth and find stability in the uncomfortable expectations of monogamy.

friday night. ann arbor.

its 530 sat. morning.

friday started with lunch with jay fantone and lindsey at paesanos.

laser tag.

pinball pete's where we won 1500+ tickets playing amazing games.

big ten burrito for dinner.

nap.

necto "gay night". danced. no hot ladies to be found.

nypd. new york pizza depot.

jay fantones. halloween

5am drive back to lindsey's rents.

If not today,
Then, why make your promises?
A love declared for days to come,
Is as good as none.

You can wait 'til morning comes.
You can wait for the new day.
You can wait and lose this heart.
You can wait and soon be sorry.

If not now, then when?
If not today,
Then, why make your promises?
A love declared for days to come,
Is as good as none.

Now love's the only thing that's free.
We must take it where it's found.
Pretty soon it may be costly.

'Cause if not now, then when?
If not today,
Then, why make your promises?
A love declared for days to come,
Is as good as none.

If not now, what then?
We all must live our lives.
Always feeling.
Always thinking.
The moment has arrived.

If not now, then when?



If not now, then when?

poison oak. bright eyes.

Poison oak, some boyhood bravery
When a telephone was a tin can on a string
And I fell asleep with you still talking to me
You said you weren't afraid to die

In polaroids you were dressed in women's clothes
Were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer?
I don't think that I ever loved you more

Then when you turned away
When you slammed the door
When you stole the car
And drove towards Mexico
And you wrote bad checks
Just to fill your arm
I was young enough, I still believed in war

Well, let the poets cry themselves to sleep
And all their tearful words will turn back into steam

But me I'm a single cell
On a serpents tongue
There's a muddy field where a garden was
And I'm glad you got away
But I'm still stuck out here
My clothes are soaking wet
From your brother's tears

And I never thought this life was possible
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for

The end of paralysis
I was a statuette
Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench
And when I press the keys
It all gets reversed
The sound of loneliness makes me happier

new years eve 2006

oh my god. we were in love. so in love. if we were in love then, what are we now?

nyc

going to nyc tomorrow.

amazing art shows.

I am watching sex in the city with lindsey.

wondering what she is doing? is she in bed sleeping alone? is she laying in bed with an better equipped man? is she thinking about me? what is she gonna do this weekend? work. go out. probably not think about me huh?

I am watching a sex scene in sex in the city....im so turned on. pathetic.