i am unable to upload pictures as of now.
today we were picked up at 730am by our private driver and tour guide. which cost us both 110 US dollars and was worth every cent.
we were taken to the floating markets an hr and a half away. i drank coconut juice from a fresh cocunut and ate fried bananas. saw poverty in lengths i have only read about and seen in bad movies. there were beautiful lush greenery as we motorboated on a "long boat" down a river for 45 minutes. gray green water. houses on stilts. i kept thinking of them as tree houses. i want to live in a tree house. i want to build a tree house. sidings built of found metal and wood. clothes and pans hanging from outside being washed in the gray green river. children swimming and waving as us white privildged fucks rode by and starred and/or took pictures of there poverty in apathy.
wat. our tour guide. was increbible. knowledgable. and well educated.
he and i discussed buddhism. his practice. my practice. i have only been here 3 days but since then i have felt threatened or shamed by my own personal practice. i feel like my practice of buddhism is some fake americanized version that i read in a book. he shared his experience of buddhism and the history and knowledge he knows. he validated and affirmed my uncomfortable thoughts. he explained to me that all he thinks buddhism is is meditating. the concsious moments of meditation. the solice of mind. the stillness of body. the connection to oneself. we also talked about the christianity and the shame and guilt that comes with not practicing or sinning and the ideas of having to repent and/or ask forgiveness. i shared a little of my experience being raised christian. he told me like many christians in america people in thailand say they are buddhist but do not practice. they will go to temple once a year and pray. just like my idea of christians and christmas.
we paid and were suppose to ride elephants. we got there. NO WAY. i'm not riding a chained up elephant with a dress on; carrying people around a cement grounded "temple ruin"... some of the elephants were wearing dresses and some were sprayed with pink and blue dust to look "pretty". torture. i will not participate in that. for some reason i saw it being these beautifully well treated majestic animals from nature riding us around THERE homeland. that was not that case. we took horrific pictures of there awful treatment to show you all....and some video footage as well. but there was no riding nor enjoying............................................................................
i have decided what project i'm gong to work on while i'm here in asia.
what perfomance can i do here that relates to my work yet gives me the space to explore my environment and identity here?
i decided that i will make an endurance performance piece...which not in art language means that the video i will make will be about me enduring somethign over time.
i am giong to video myself 10 minutes everyday meditating in different places. wether it be my room of stay, outside, or among people
as a finished piece i see each meditation being sped up and shown as a continum on a wall.
thats all i have so far.
let me know what you guys think of that. kean.obrien@gmail.com
more tomorrow.
thanks for reading. and giving a shit. ha.
